My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
