im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
