We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
