Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
