saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
