I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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