This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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