like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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