Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
