I think I died a long time ago.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
