He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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