and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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