chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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