My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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