just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
