I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
