I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
