After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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