Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just threw up on my dentist
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
