shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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