all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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