so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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