Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
