Cold hands, warm shart.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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