I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
from now on my penis is your penis
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
