sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
