I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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