how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
