Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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