and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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