You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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