Duck Duck Cougar?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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