I'm so fucking centered right now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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