why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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