Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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