Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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