doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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