You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
