Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize