Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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