you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
