I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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