WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
