HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
