If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
