I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
