This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
