:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
