He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
