Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize