Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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