I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
