if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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