She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
