I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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