If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize