You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
