You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
