you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he thought i was a dude.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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