it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
