can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
