My boss' voice literally gives me gas
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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