I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
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