You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
