Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
