I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
