Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
