I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
