Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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