Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
