He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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