my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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