She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
