I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
