Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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