we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
