She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
