Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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