the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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