it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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