I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
