omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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