I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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