My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
