i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
