I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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